I started writing this book when my son started showing an interest in girls, around age 11. He came home from school one day, a bit misinformed from "playground talk." It was important to me that he learn to respect girls and learn characteristics of a healthy relationship. I recognize that gender is not binary, however, I focused on male/female relationships for reasons outlined below. Much of what I've written especially in regard to respect, communication and honesty can be applied to all types of relationships. I use humour for a bit of a distraction, as having my son sit still and just absorb the information was not a great option. I know many of you can relate.
I believe that people aren't born with a sense of how to navigate a successful relationship. Although there are fundamental differences between the male and female brain (or as my husband - a marriage and family therapist refers to this as "spaghetti and meatball"), relationship skills are learned. Unfortunately, this is often by trial and error. There are many books on relationships available for adults, but there is very little out there for teens or younger. There are sex education books, but that was not my intent in writing So you Wanna Kiss a Girl.... Unfortunately in a quest for knowledge or clarity, teens may search Internet sites that provide misinformation, or information they can't make sense of at their particular age. Sometimes strong role models are missing as well.
I believe as parents, and as a society we need to address the issue that there are still too many cases of spousal abuse, sexual assault, date rapes and gender discrimination. We can say that, "My boy would never do that," or "Those are men who had traumatic childhoods." The reality is, however, that a lot of "those boys" are boys who are seemingly harmless, just like our boys or our boys' friends. Scary thought. And even if our boys know about NO means NO, do they know enough to grow up and be law enforcers who take sexual assault seriously, or judges who prosecute appropriately?
I don't believe my book has all of the answers, but it is a starting point for those awkward conversations, a starting point for what's needed to create change with regard to male/female relationships. I present topics such as liking oneself and self care (including hygiene :)), which are the building blocks of relationships, then gradually introduce more complex concepts such as communication and boundaries. I write in a manner that is easy for boys to understand. I do believe that men and women are different in so many ways, but I also believe that healthy relationships can and do exist. I am convinced things will only get better if we start educating males early.
I believe that people aren't born with a sense of how to navigate a successful relationship. Although there are fundamental differences between the male and female brain (or as my husband - a marriage and family therapist refers to this as "spaghetti and meatball"), relationship skills are learned. Unfortunately, this is often by trial and error. There are many books on relationships available for adults, but there is very little out there for teens or younger. There are sex education books, but that was not my intent in writing So you Wanna Kiss a Girl.... Unfortunately in a quest for knowledge or clarity, teens may search Internet sites that provide misinformation, or information they can't make sense of at their particular age. Sometimes strong role models are missing as well.
I believe as parents, and as a society we need to address the issue that there are still too many cases of spousal abuse, sexual assault, date rapes and gender discrimination. We can say that, "My boy would never do that," or "Those are men who had traumatic childhoods." The reality is, however, that a lot of "those boys" are boys who are seemingly harmless, just like our boys or our boys' friends. Scary thought. And even if our boys know about NO means NO, do they know enough to grow up and be law enforcers who take sexual assault seriously, or judges who prosecute appropriately?
I don't believe my book has all of the answers, but it is a starting point for those awkward conversations, a starting point for what's needed to create change with regard to male/female relationships. I present topics such as liking oneself and self care (including hygiene :)), which are the building blocks of relationships, then gradually introduce more complex concepts such as communication and boundaries. I write in a manner that is easy for boys to understand. I do believe that men and women are different in so many ways, but I also believe that healthy relationships can and do exist. I am convinced things will only get better if we start educating males early.
Resources:
Here are a few of my favourite resources I thought I would share. Although they do not directly pertain to my book's topic, I have found them all to be useful tools when it comes to parenting.
Island Parent
Denise Goldbeck
Hold on to Your Kids
Kids in the Spotlight
Island Parent
Denise Goldbeck
Hold on to Your Kids
Kids in the Spotlight
